You Are The Landscape

Outside of being a full-time teacher, I "side hustle" to make more money. One of the things I do is photography. I hadn't done it in a while, only taking on small photoshoots here and there.

Headshots for a dance company

A few weeks ago, I snapped studio pictures for a dance company. Lights are all up, white background and floor set. This is an ideal setting for perfect pictures. One by one, the dancers would come in front of me to get their headshots taken. It is a vulnerable position, having your photo taken so close up. There is no hiding anything from the lens.

A girl was struggling with acne

One of the girls, in particular, has been struggling with acne for a long time. When you are up that close, no amount of makeup can hide the blemishes, the marks, the extreme dryness. Her foundation was flaking off in spots; I could feel the empathy pounding in my chest. I knew the lighting would help mask much of this, but my heart went out to her.

I was the one worried about her skin

However, I then watched her interaction with her two best friends, laughing, not a care in the world. A part of me swiftly grew both envious and enthralled. I snapped a candid photo quickly. God, so beautiful. I became acutely aware that the only person in that room fretting about her skin was me.

This sparked something in me.

Taking my camera outside of the studio

I started messing around with my camera outside of the studio. I've done this before, on many occasions, but not with this type of curiosity - things like outdoor photos around my neighborhood, indoor photos of my mother and aunt cooking for Thanksgiving, the stoic conversation between my stepfather and grandmother while we waited for others to gather inside.

Appreciating all that we are

It made me start to appreciate all that we are. Our lives are so much more than what we stare at in the mirror. It is the moment we are alive. That dancer's laugh and playful nature with her friends had nothing to do with her appearance. The frail frame holding my grandmother up didn't impact her words during a conversation. Our spirit is way more powerful than our skin.

There is something here.

I see us in all of the beauty

So, as I plan for a major trip this summer, gazing at so many pictures of the countryside of Italy, of the coast of northern Portugal, and the quaint humblings of the Cotswolds, I see us. I see us in the shape of it all.

From a distance, we are able to truly appreciate the world. We aren't able to nitpick at a possibly dirty street, or the branches missing on a few trees, or even the droppings of an animal. It just is this picturesque snapshot. It is love.

That is what we are.

Looking beyond our hatred from eczema

When we are too busy hating our skin, hating ourselves, we aren't able to appreciate the big picture. If we stare deep into the mirror, torturing ourselves with criticism, love can't grow. We aren't able to recognize the beauty and truth that we are the beautiful landscape. We are the fields and leaves and poetry scattered around that create us. If we are able to embrace that and reflect on it every day, we will be better for it.