A Letter to My Body

Dear Body,

I want you to know that I am sorry I didn’t learn to listen to you sooner. I am sorry I always hated you and harped on you so much. I always thought you were my enemy when you were always doing your best to protect me and do what was best for me.

Who did I listen to instead?

I continued to suppress your voice by going to doctors and taking medications, and using steroids, instead of allowing you to have a voice and allowing you to speak and express yourself. I listened to everything and everyone outside of me, instead of within me.

I was completely ignorant of our relationship, as I was constantly overwhelmed by fear, anger, and sadness. I never realized that what I actually needed to do was become your friend and be your closest ally. I needed to listen to you instead of trying to tell you what to do and hating you so much.

Why didn't I listen?

There was never a lack of flaws I could point out on you, and I just wanted to shut you up as quickly as possible and would go to any means necessary to do so. I ingested tablets of strong steroid pills and other chemicals just so I wouldn’t have to see your pain. I am sorry I was in such denial.

What have you done for me?

The older I get, and the farther along on my healing journey I get, I realize all you have ever done is protect me and try to work with me. Even when I hated you, you still kept me alive and kept me going in the right direction.

You still loved me, even when I hated you and abused you. You were the first to show me unconditional love, and I never quite knew the meaning of that. I never knew the meaning of love; in general, even though I was always blessed enough to have it in my life. Now, I see it is always there for all of us, all around us, we just often don’t see it, especially when we are buried underneath the weight of our traumas.

What do you mean to me?

I want you to know I am so incredibly sorry for how much I abused you, and all the ways I took you for granted. I even let others abuse you, because my abuse wasn’t enough. I wanted to punish you and make you feel pain. Failing to realize that you are a part of me, and you are part of the very earth I walk on. You are part of my mother, and my father. You are the divine, and the earthly. You are the yin and the yang. You are all of it – a small universe within its own, larger universe.

You are the way that I have been able to experience all the experiences in life – whether I perceived them as “good” or “bad.” Experience and growth, I believe, are the point of this life, and you provided that for me every step of the way.

You shielded and protected me when you needed to, and still continue to. You breathe, walk, sleep, do everything that I need for me, and I am so sorry I didn’t show gratitude for that sooner.

What will I do now?

I was too ignorant to understand that maybe a rash, some redness or itching, was your way of speaking to me – speaking without words. I should have listened before, but now I am finally learning to. I am sorry it took so long, but I hope it’s not late and that you will still forgive me. I still want to continue to grow and learn with you and from you, and I know I am meant to do that as long as I walk this earth.

What am I grateful for?

Lastly, I want to say thank you. Thank you for your unconditional love and support and for all the things you do for me every day. You are a perfect, shining example of unconditional love, and I want to thank you for showing that to me and reflecting it to me every day of my existence, even when I was too blind to see it.

You will forever be my best friend and my greatest ally, and I will never abandon you again. And from now on, I promise – I am listening.