Quarantined with Eczema
Like everyone, I’ve been in quarantine for the majority of this year. It’s had its ups and downs. I’ve missed out on multiple opportunities this year and I haven’t been able to do even half of what I had planned. Yet, I’ve done some things that I wouldn’t have done before quarantine. While I’m incredibly grateful for what I have been able to do, such as talk with friends, catch up on books and films, and play videogames, it’s still been quite rough for me, especially for my eczema.
This is what quarantine has been like for me.
The QUIETNESS of being home, away from the stress and noise of crowds, is oddly terrifying. Crowds stress me out easily which can result in a flare, yet I long for the sound of people walking by me.
My eczema makes me feel UGLY, whether it’s on my face or my calf I hardly feel pretty. I look in the mirror and it’s there, mocking me. I see glimpses of what I could be, hopefully, someday it’ll loosen its hold on me.
The itching can be ADDICTIVE, scratching and scraping away at the bump, as unhealthy as it is I cannot stop. I’m fighting the urge constantly, whether I’m aware of it or not.
My eczema makes me feel ALONE, I don’t know anyone else with this disease, I have to explain it over and over to the people I know.
I always feel NEGATIVE about my eczema, Itching, burning, flares, bumps everywhere, I struggle to find any positives and how can I be positive when everything feels so unpromising.
I’ve started to TOLERATE my eczema and the flaming and the scratching that comes with it. I’ve begun to tolerate my loneliness that comes with both eczema and quarantine.
I IMAGINE a future where I can leave my house, leave and be with the people I love. A future where my skin isn’t taking up every thought in my mind.
I keep NEGLECTING my diet and my health. I sometimes have up to 3 cups of coffee a day, I need to stop before it gets worse, yet I struggle to lower my intake.
My days feel EMPTY, they pass by so quickly I barely remember what I’ve done. Have I had my medication? Have I done any work? Did I even speak to a friend? I can’t even recall what I just had for lunch.
My DEPRESSION has had its hold on me throughout all of this. My motivation has dwindled, my head hurts most days, my sleep pattern changes every night, I hardly get to hear my friends' voices, flare-ups have been nonstop, and the things that use to bring me joy feel like a chore. I don’t know when this will all end, I highly doubt it will be anytime soon, but I have to hold onto some sort of hope. Hope that things will get better, hope that I can see the people I love, and hope for a better tomorrow.
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