Every Day is a Battle

By anonymous

2 min read

Constant pain, itching, bleeding, lack of sleep. Dead skin in your nails and always feeling dirty. You want to forget it exists but every time you look in the mirror, you're reminded. Every time you move your limbs, you're reminded. Every second of the day, you're reminded. Why? Because the pain is something that almost never disappears. When you move, sit, stand, lie down. The pain is always there. You're in a constant battle with yourself. You're trapped in a vicious cycle and you know you'll never be free. It's hard. No one really understands. To them, eczema's just an itch. Learn to stop itching they say. If only it was that easy...

Tossing and turning and itching all night

People usually look forward to getting into bed after a long tiring day but it's something I dread every night. No matter how tired I am, I struggle to sleep. I find myself tossing and turning throughout the night, itching away at my skin. It almost feels as though I'm lying in a bed of nettles or someone's put itching powder all over my clothes. I have to get out of bed a few times to reapply medicine so I can bear the pain in the morning. Even then, I wake up with a stiff body and struggle to get up. Sometimes it can take me at least an hour to physically and mentally get myself out of bed, leaving behind a bedsheet filled with dead skin and flakes.

Poor quality of life

I even find it extremely difficult to shower. I have to mentally prepare myself for the pain. It's constant anxiety; is it going to sting this time? Will I be able to cope when the water touches my skin? Put it this way, imagine your body is filled with open wounds and cuts and you're bringing it into contact with water? Ouch? Indeed.

Sleeping and showering is only 2 of many daily activities I struggle with. Even socialising becomes extremely difficult. Whilst I'm engaging in conversation, all I can think about is how much pain I'm in and my mind loses focus and I have no idea what is being said to me.

Eczema relief is only temporary

It's extremely difficult to stay positive, especially when you don't know how long it's going to last. And when you slowly start to see progress, it's not long before it flares up again.

I've tried so many different types of medications but I've found they only works on a temporary basis. As time passes, my body either becomes immune to them or they just no longer do the job.

Suffering makes us stronger

For anyone suffering with atopic dermatitis, you're not alone. I always thought I was. I never saw anyone around me suffering the way I am. I felt like no one could understand me. I always felt alone. But we are not alone. It's difficult. Extremely difficult. But everyday's a battle and we're strong. Stronger than we think. How else have we managed to cope with it for so long?

Strength doesn't come from lifting weights. Strength comes from lifting yourself up when you're being knocked down.

What is your personal battle with eczema?

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Anthony Bazile Moderator & Contributor
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate and empathize with everything that you said. Its hard, a daily battle and these flare ups are unpredictable! things can be difficult and almost seem impossible at times, but know that you're not alone and there's a community that will help you in anyway that they can. Discussing this condition has become less of a taboo as more people can relate and speak on their experience. I hope your skin is at a manageable level at this time.
Peter Bunting Moderator & Contributor
Thank you for sharing! Again, it’s another familiar story of just how debilitating this disease is, the agony, the frustration, the feeling of helplessness. I really hope you’re doing better now? And you’re spot on...we are not alone. You and every one like us are being heard.
Linette Roungchun Moderator & Contributor
Wow <inline-mention user-id="2031534" username="anonymous"/> as I read this, I thought...did I write this without even realizing this? You literally summarized my life. To the T. I honestly sometimes wonder how in the world we are getting through this. Have you reached out to a dermatologist you trust? I know, I know. I’ve gone many years not seeing doctors because it seems like all they do is give me something that doesn’t work and in the end makes things worse. But there are so many new treatments available that are currently in clinical trials that might be your answer! I believe that a combination of lifestyle change(sleeping right- haha or at least as much as you can with that incessant itch lol - and working out- again when you can while avoiding the itch from sweating) and a little help from a pharmaceutical. I’m still searching for my perfect treatment but have finally found a team of doctors that I trust. After a lifetime of not trusting doctors! Please let me know how you are doing. I just attended Eczema Expo for the first time in my life and now have hope for us Eczema Warriors after meeting all the people who are fighting to pave a better life for us itchy people! There is help for you! It is out there! Again, please let me know how you are doing. Hoping you are less itchy and less flakey than the day before, -Linette (AtopicDermatitis.net Moderator)
1. anonymous Member
 Heyy, i'm so glad you've found a team of doctors you trust! It really helps! I've also been visiting the dermatologist quite regularly. We're still trying to see what works for me and what doesn't at the moment but she's helping me a lot and I'm doing a lot better than i was. I do still suffer from the occasional flare up though but that's inevitable. Thanks for reaching out, i really do appreciate it. Hope you're doing better too!
2. Linette Roungchun Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention user-id="2031534" username="anonymous"/> right?! Ugh. A lifetime of not trusting doctors. For the most part! Anyways do you mind if I ask specifics? I only ask so publically because believe it or not, sharing your story openly(whatever you are comfortable with) will help other warriors too. There are just so many of us who only feel comfortable observing rather than participating(and that’s okay- do whatever you’re comfortable with!) so if we write publically on here, those itchy, suffering warriors can benefit 😀 But again, only if you’re comfortable with it 😀 So my questions are- what have you and your dermatologist found that works for you so far? and why do you think it works for you specifically? And what isn’t working? You said that you’re doing a lot better than before- I bet without even realizing it, some of this healing is from being mentally and emotionally supported and cared for since you now have a derm that listens to you and your concerns. That is simply amazing. I truly hope everyone finds this kind of support from their team of caregivers!! This is how it’s supposed to be!!