Finding Love with Eczema Isn't Easy

By mirandahartley

2 min read

Eczema can take a massive toll on your self-esteem. Seeing your body undergo a significant physical change can be really difficult & disorientating. I have personally struggled with self-acceptance and self-love due to my chronic skin condition.

Eczema makes me want to hide

I’ve opted to hide and conceal my skin for years, as the stares, questions and comments from others can make me feel extremely triggered, vulnerable, upset and othered.

So when you combine low self esteem & body confidence with severe eczema, skin scarring, hyperpigmentation and the 21st century metropolitan dating world, what do you get? A non-existent love life.

Afraid to become intimate because of eczema

I’m 24 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I have huge walls up because the thought of being open and disclosing my skin condition to a male love interest is too frightening.

So, I shut people off before it can even get to that point where I become emotionally intimate as I have a fear of being physically intimate. For someone to see my skin is an intimidating thought. I also don’t know how to broach the topic, when to mention it and how and when to reveal it. And if I reveal it... will I be rejected? Will I be ridiculed?

Will someone truly find me attractive with eczema?

And even if someone does accept it, would they truly be attracted to it? Would it secretly repulse them? Would they be wishing that they could be with someone without this skin condition?

These thoughts often plague my mind, and whilst Instagram and the AD community help to instill a sense of body confidence within me, I know I have a long road to travel. But the sad truth is that this fear is paralysing.

To anyone out there male, female, non-binary who feels the same... please know that you’re not alone. We eczema warriors deserve to have our own love stories and we will find our person. Sometimes I think it would be awesome to have our own dating app for people with skin conditions. What do you think?

How does eczema impact your self esteem?

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mirandahartley Member
An update for you all! Since writing this post I have been in my first relationship (for almost a year!). He completely adores me and makes me feel so desirable and desired, my skin has never been an issue or even a topic of conversation. I spent many years wondering whether I’d ever find love, and being down and depressed about it. And then it happened. To anyone out there feeling scared of being rejected because of their skin, remember, those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter! You’re worthy! 
1. Alexis Smith Moderator
 <inline-mention username="mirandahartley" user-id="2015933"/> I am SO happy you gave us an update! As someone who was always terrified for this very reason, just like you, I was so surprised when I started dating and my eczema was never an issue at all. At an eczema expo during one of the group sessions, I asked if anyone had actually had a partner that made them feel bad about themselves because of their skin. Not one person raised their hand. It restored my faith in this world and I wish I wouldn't have wasted all of those years stressing about if anyone could ever find me attractive when struggling with a flare. Like you said, those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter. Just have to find your person 😀 -Alexis (AtopicDermatitis.net Team Member)
2. Anthony Bazile Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="mirandahartley" user-id="2015933"/> What an amazing story. I empathize with you. Not only dealing with eczema, you start to question who would accept and the never ending questions and thoughts start to plague ones mind. I went through this and when I found my soulmate and told her that I had eczema, she not only accepted me for what I had, she helped me along my daily journey to research ways to keep my eczema from having flare ups. I'm happy you found love. It truly helps and is very calming to the spirit where someone loves you beyond your AD!
bc21 Member
 <inline-mention username="mirandahartley" user-id="2015933"/> I can empathise with you. I’m 32 year old male and I’m too sick to consider being in a relationship, but even if I was well enough I know I would share the same struggles you talk about. Being sick can leave you feeling incredibly lonely and seeing people living life around you can feel like torture when you can’t join in, or it is very painful to try. This condition is horrible and it has huge impacts on our lives but remember that this condition is not who you are and it doesn’t define you... even though it can often feel like it does. Try to be yourself and not let this condition (or other people) get you down. I know this is easier said than done. Take care and remember to be kind to yourself as well as others. 
1. Nina Ajdin Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="bc21" user-id="4199948"/> so true! I can relate to everything you shared here and am glad I'm not alone. It's so hard to remember at times that this condition doesn't define us - thank you for the reminder! Hope you are doing a bit better. -Nina (AtopicDermatitis.net Team Member)
ohrettano Member
Oh, you broke my heart. My dear, you have to know that everyone in the world has something about them that they are embarrassed about. The most beautiful thing in coming together with another human is showing each other your terrible truth for the other to say what, that? That's nothing. Check this out... and if it's a man he will fart. Really. I've had the conversation. At the rashiest times.
1. Sarah Wallin Community Admin
 <inline-mention user-id="2016797" username="ohrettano"/> , Your comment to <inline-mention user-id="2015933" username="mirandahartley"/> 's story is so very sweet and thoughtful. It's good to keep in context that everyone has something they feel embarrassed about... whether it's eczema or not. -Sarah (AtopicDermatitis.net Team Member)
Peter Bunting Moderator & Contributor
Hi <inline-mention user-id="2015933" username="mirandahartley"/> , thanks for writing this. I can totally empathise with how you’re feeling. I guess all us AD sufferers have to hope things improve. We have to! Hope is all we’ve got. I’m a single guy in his 40s and I feel like you do. Keep the faith.
1. Sarah Wallin Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="tony" user-id="2033862"/> thanks for stopping by to share with Peter Bunting what has helped you. I think this is the post about colloidal silver water recipe you might be referring to? <a href='https://atopicdermatitis.net/forums/colloidal-silver' target='_blank'>https://atopicdermatitis.net/forums/colloidal-silver</a> We do keep in mind that people can respond differently, and appreciate you sharing what brings relief. -Sarah (AtopicDermatitis.net Team Member)
2. Peter Bunting Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="tony" user-id="2033862"/> thanks for this tip!!! Really glad it helped with your itching. I may give this a try once my body heals. Really appreciate your help! All the best - Pete (AtopicDermatitis.net - Team Member)

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