Eczema's Impact on Relationships
Vent about a time or situation where your eczema impacted a relationship (romantic, family, or friends)!
My husband passed away in 2011. I'm now in my seventies. My skin situation has grown worse since his death. I miss having a kind, caring partner to help me get the lotions or ointments spread on the areas I cannot reach--especially my back and shoulders. I'm having a flare now, and I was thinking this just yesterday. Various applicators on sticks or whatever don't take the place of a human touch when dealing with this. I know it's trivial, but that's it for me.
I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and the ongoing struggles with your skin. It's not trivial at all. Dealing with health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when you lack the support of a partner's kind and caring touch. Please know that your feelings are completely valid, and it's okay to miss having that human connection. We are so glad that you have found this community and can come here to share your experiences. You are certainly not alone in the struggle to trying to reach certain areas, I know I do at times, and it's echoed in this article written by a fellow contributor. I hope you find some comfort and relief soon.
Warm regards, Chava B. Wald (Moderator & Contributor)
I’ve found that a lot of people who don’t experience these sorts of flares don’t realize how uncomfortable, painful, and prohibitive they can be. I feel I’m constantly having to choose between being social and taking care of myself… fragrances and dog dander cause me to flare immediately, and these are difficult to avoid. My boyfriend of a decade and I moved to be near his parents, but they have two large dogs and I flare immediately if I go to their house. It’s such a part of their family culture to spend time together at home, and despite having tried to communicate what’s up, there’s a lot of awkwardness around my reluctance to spend time there. I feel constant guilt and also disappointment—I love their dogs, and I used to be able to be around them—and I also worry that my boyfriends family don’t understand the severity of the impact flares can have on my health and might be thinking that I want to avoid them. Our families have different communication styles and my boyfriend isn’t always the best at helping us understand each other when we might unwittingly get our wires crossed.
It’s also just difficult with friends of friends or acquaintances—so many people wear fragrances that I have to think twice before accepting a social invitation. I’m not going to ask someone I’m not close to—or a group of people for that matter—not to wear fragrances just to accommodate me, but if I’m stuck in tight quarters with them for a while (ie at a restaurant) and I’m allergic to whatever fragrance, aftershave, etc they’re wearing, I’m SOL. This has happened many times. I really dislike being the squeaky tire—I *want* to be able to do what others want to do, I enjoy giving that small kindness—and when I’m in a position where I have to explain why I can’t do a certain thing, I start to second-guess whether the flares are really that big of a deal for me, so it’s difficult to communicate that they are. It’s only once I’ve done the thing and am suffering that I realize I wish I’d taken better care of myself.these situations can be difficult to navigate. Of course, you want to be sensitive to others, and not hurt anyone's feelings while also taking care of yourself. It's so true what you say, many people who have never experienced this before misunderstand how eczema and allergies are impacted by things like fragrance, aftershave, dog dander. We are glad that you have a place here to come to share your challenges. Perhaps other's in the community here can chime in, with some things that have helped them when in such situations. One tool that I have learned to be very helpful when trying to navigate tricky interpersonal conversations, is to speak from a place of "I feel" instead of things like "when you do/say...." Sending hugs and positive vibes! Chava B. Wald (Atopicdermatitis.net) moderator & contributor 
Thank you for sharing this. A lot of people who don't have this condition may or may not be understanding to how severe it is and how much it has an impact on our everyday life. My eczema too has affected my relationships with family and friends especially with those with dogs. This was a turning point for me where I was able to find a community ( like this one) where I was able to express my thoughts and feelings without being judged. I hope you will continue to find ways to navigate through these situations. Thank you for sharing this and happy healing.
I can say that so far, my eczema affected all my relationships; it has made me feel less confident.
I was in a relationship a while ago until I saw that my partner was embarrassed of me and my face. I found out that he never told anyone that I was his girlfriend and that we were in a relationship. He just told everyone around that we are good friends, and he feels sorry that I have a face like that, and he just wants to be a nice person since I have no friends. How did I find out about that? He was checking his messages on my laptop and forgot to log out. Then, when I was using my computer, I was bombarded with those messages.
I know that many people think that I won't find anybody, and it was stupid from my side to break up with him, and he was my only chance. But I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who's embarassed of me.
At least he motivated me to start digging for a solution to my skin problems., that is such a difficult thing to have someone you care about say to/about you. No one should spend their life with someone who can't accept them and is embarrassed about them, you are more than your eczema and I am glad to hear you moved on and it motivated you in a positive way. All the best, Sam S. (Atopic Dermatitis team).
I’ve been with my partner for 6 months and have discovered im severely allergic to his cat. My eczema has gone crazy - I can’t avoid it as it’s on his clothes. What do I do!!
Hello dear
, your question does pose quite the challenging situation. It gives me pause to ponder. I have found open communication is key to all relationships. Coming up with a mutually agreeable plan would be best. Perhaps the plan could include some boundaries for the cat and its hair when you two are together. Here is an article from a colleague that offers some tips that may be of interest: https://atopicdermatitis.net/living/cats-eczema. I wish you well as the three of you start this journey together... Please stay in touch...
Sending healing hugs to each of you, Liz - AtopicDermatitis.net - Site Moderator
