Eczema 2 - Love Life 1

By Peter Bunting

2 min read

Living in today's modern world is both a privilege and a curse. If one happens to suffer from extreme ailments, it can be really difficult. Navigating through life's many ups and downs is really hard work. Personally speaking, living with eczema and asthma is something that makes it hard to form close relationships. I have been living alone since 2018. For the most part, I have enjoyed it. Not being a burden on anyone is a great feeling. Having eczema is a constant struggle - you get good days and bad.

The good and bad days

When I have good days, I feel like I can accomplish anything. Writing, making music, exercising, visiting friends, anything! If I go through a bad cycle, it's like my brain stops functioning. I become withdrawn and hide away from people until the storm subsides.

Going to a dermatologist

In the summer, I booked a top skin specialist in London's Harley Street. My skin was in a bad way and needed help. I was hoping to try some alternative medications. However, the specialist argued that could be a possible route we could go down, but the first priority was to get me better. And I did get better.

Dating with eczema

For the rest of the summer, I felt great, and I ended up meeting a fantastic girl on a spontaneous night out with friends. We are still together today, and she is totally brilliant. But I cannot lie, it is causing me stress. I have been open to her about my condition without going into precise details and without making it a continuous talking point. For example, she knows that I am an advocate for AtopicDermatitis.net. She knows what it entails, and although truthful, I am brief with my explanations. I do not want to push her away or ruin what we have built.

When my skin is bad around her

Again, as highlighted above, when I now go through my bad cycles and have to hide away, she does not quite understand. And that is because I do not want to burden her with just how bad I can get. It can sort of ruin the mood if you catch my drift!

The influence of my previous relationship

Also, I think my previous relationship has profoundly affected how I behave around people. Distinctly, people I get close to. This article may sound like I am moaning, but the reverse is true in actuality. I realize just how fortunate I have been in meeting a really lovely person. Suppose I am a little anxious. As time goes by, the way I am could negatively affect our relationship.

I have hope

Presently, I am in a bad cycle. I have spoken with my primary carer and have asked that I be referred to see a specialist via the NHS. I think I stand a better chance of seeing one. It is because of the visit to the dermatologist in the summer. I am keeping my fingers crossed because now I really have something to fight for! And currently, the eczema is winning, but to use a soccer analogy...the final whistle has yet to be blown, and I know I can make a winning comeback!

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Daisy Sandoval Moderator
Peter, I think when you find the correct people who is empathetic and understanding you will feel completely comfortable with yourself and skin issues. I think communication is key and having an understanding partner. To talk about what you need and see if your partner is going to be willing to be there for you through think and thin. also, were you able to get referred to a specialist?
jenniem Member
Peter, for what it's worth here's my 2 bits from a far corner of the Commonwealth. Take this piece of advice from a dear neighbor and friend of mine: "opening up and letting others be there for us, do things for us isn't being a burden - it's giving THEM a gift". Good people WANT to know you, to have the chance to demonstrate their affection for you, You're not a black hole person, Peter, so I'm sure the give and take will flow both ways. It won't just always be 'about you' and your medical monsters'. Everyone's got SOMETHING, be it health issues or other life crap. Having trusted people to share with can help a lot. Plus the various assorted good and meh shenanigans of others' lives make for great diversions 😉. Especially on crap days. Peter, you're more than just your skin. Let her in. Bonus is that if you've opened up enough for someone to "get" you, there's less chance of hurt feelings on days when you do feel the need to just "mushroom" at home alone. Everybody's entitled to a little healing time to themselves in their own cozy nest. 
1. Peter Bunting Moderator & Contributor
 Hi @jenniem - Thank you so much for your response and great advice. I 100% agree with everything you have said here. And you're spot on about everyone having their own stuff to deal with and it's not all about the "eczema patient". I suppose I just have to keep reminding myself of these things. I also think that this issue will be easier to deal with if you meet the right person. I am learning new things every day! Thanks again - Pete (AtopicDermatitis.net Team Member)
2. jenniem Member
 <inline-mention username="Peter Bunting" user-id="2030051"/>, you're right. You do need to feel it's the 'right' person to be able to truly open up with them. Hard to bare your 'soul' without that security. In the meantime, just remember that there’s a lot more to you than your surface. The real people, the worthwhile ones, know and value that. Pretty is nice - but interesting, smart and funny are much less ephemeral gifts.