Self-Awareness in the Midst of Victim Mentality, Perfectionism, and Control

As I grow older, I realize that there is no such thing as perfection. Perfectionism is a worshipped ideal. Self-awareness, however - that’s where the good stuff is. That’s absolutely real. And after a multitude of good, bad, and in-between, haphazard chapters in my life, I’ve come to realize that no one is perfect, but we should all strive to be self-aware.

When I find myself strewn on the floor of situations where the outcome is less than desired or where there was quite a bit of friction amongst the participants, I do my best to gather myself, calm down, and then stand up to take a step back and view things from an outsider’s perspective. What was each person saying? Were my directness and enthusiasm being mistaken as argumentative? Have they taken offense?

Are we a victim to our skin condition?

People who have a victim mentality believe that life happens to them rather than for them. Therefore, they are quick to feel victimized when something doesn’t go as planned. It’s so easy to fall into this because of the uncontrollable nature of our skin! I can’t help but think about Raelle’s article “Perfectionism vs. Eczema: Lifelong Quests For Control,” which discusses her lifelong relationship with perfectionism and control. She realized that her desire for these two attributes stemmed from not having control over her skin and overall health. So was this person offended because I truly said something offensive? Or are they just playing the victim card? Again, this is where self-awareness comes into play. Check yourself before you check others.

Trying to control everything is exhausting

I mention perfectionism and control because these attributes understandably come with the TSW/eczema territory. They also seem to accompany those who have a victim mentality. I can see how this trifecta can keep you in a safe place, but it can also work against you. Don’t you find it exhausting always to try to make things go your way and question others’ motives? That’s because life is unpredictable no matter how much you plan and try to manipulate events to your liking. And as far as others’ motives - sorry for the uninspirational truth, but...people just don’t have time for that. Your frustration and unhappiness is the last thing that they want. Not because they necessarily have your well-being in mind, but because humans are selfish in nature, and whatever road is the least resistant is the road they will take. That means making sure things run smoothly and not having to deal with hurt egos.

Work on self-awareness

I implore you to work on being more self-aware because if you don’t catch it, you will miss how life is actually working for you. Life is just so much easier when you notice that it is happening for you - all the ups and downs - rather than against you. I challenge you to see yourself as the victor in your life rather than the victim. Did something seemingly negative recently happen in your life? Did you later realize that this situation ended up helping you out?

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